Balancing work deadlines with the needs of their 5- and 8-year-old boys isn’t easy for Terri Huggins. The holiday season adds extra demands, including performances, parties, and gift obligations, leaving her wondering how many events she can realistically attend while still meeting her work responsibilities.
Huggins is not alone. Many parents struggle with the pressure to keep up with the holiday season, from gifts and parties to family gatherings and charitable donations. Experts say parents can make the season more manageable by rethinking their expectations, asking for help, handling family drama strategically, and giving themselves something to look forward to in January.
To start, parents should consider how they want to feel during the holiday season. “It could be cozy and warm,” says Anna Seewald, a psychologist and host of the “Authentic Parenting” podcast. “So everything you do during the holiday season — the shopping, the cooking, the getting together — you can always pause and ask yourself this question: Is this making me feel cozy and warm? Is this aligned with my intention?”
Parents also need to reevaluate their sources of expectations, says Kimberly Solo, a therapist who treats adult women. “What’s our bandwidth? How much do we have to give this holiday season?” she recommends asking.
It’s also important to consider the mental health implications of imposing too many expectations on oneself and others. Women, in particular, often take on the bulk of planning and organizing, which can be overwhelming. “When workloads increase dramatically around the holidays, it’s especially important to delegate or ask the family to pitch in and split up the duties,” Solo notes.
To cut down on cooking responsibilities, Seewald suggests catering dishes or asking everyone to bring something. It’s also possible to cut down on the number of gifts without feeling like a Grinch. “We don’t have to give gifts just to give gifts,” she says. “Maybe not this year, if you have a toddler and a sick child, and some other things going on in your life.”
Rather than feeling pressured to do everything, Solo suggests parents prioritize self-care and plan something for January that is just for themselves. Whether it’s a weekend getaway or a quiet night in, having something to look forward to can make even the most frenetic season feel a little more calm and bright.