Your Relationship with Money May Be Shaped by Your Childhood
Your relationship with money may seem random, but it can offer clues about your childhood. According to financial psychotherapist Vicky Reynal, our emotional experiences growing up can shape who we become and influence our spending habits. Reynal, author of “Money on Your Mind,” says that our emotional experiences as children can lead to patterns of thought and behavior that persist into adulthood.
For example, someone who felt secure during childhood may feel that they deserve good things and be more likely to negotiate a higher salary or enjoy the money they have. On the other hand, someone who experienced childhood neglect may grow up with low self-esteem and act out through money behaviors, such as feeling guilty when spending money or splashing the cash to impress.
Reynal notes that the money lessons we learn growing up are largely shaped by whether we grew up in an environment of scarcity or wealth. Those who grew up in scarcity may struggle with a scarcity mindset, fixating on the idea that they don’t have enough of something, while those who grew up with wealth may become careless with money.
The key to overcoming toxic spending habits is to stop self-sabotaging, which is often driven by deep-seated emotional reasons. Reynal recommends identifying the root of financial habits and inconsistencies, such as feelings of anger, un-deservedness, or fear of independence and autonomy. By understanding these emotions, individuals can replace negative patterns with healthier behaviors.
Reynal shares a personal example of a client who overspent in the evenings due to boredom and loneliness. By exploring the underlying emotions, the client was able to identify the root cause and replace the behavior with a healthier alternative. Similarly, Reynal’s client who ran out of money every two weeks due to a fear of losing their relationship with their mother was able to overcome this pattern by exploring the emotional root cause.
Reynal encourages individuals to be “curious and nonjudgmental” when considering the root of bad spending behavior, asking themselves questions like “What feelings would I be left with if I actually didn’t self-sabotage financially?” This can help reveal the reason behind negative patterns and lead to positive change.
