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Just because You Say You Don’t Have a Favorite Child, Doesn’t Mean Everyone Around You Can’t Tell Whom You Like Best
A recent study by the American Psychological Association has found that parents often favor one child over another, and the reasons for this favoritism can be complex. The study analyzed data from 30 studies and 14 databases with information on more than 19,000 people and found that daughters and children who were more conscientious and agreeable were likely to get better treatment from their parents.
Favoritism can be temporary and change depending on the circumstances, said Dr. Ellen Weber Libby, a retired clinical psychologist and author of “The Favorite Child: How a Favorite Impacts Every Family Member for Life.” The reasons for favoritism can include a child’s quality that reminds a parent of a beloved grandmother or the child’s ability to lend a helping hand.
The study found that children who are favored have better mental health, better grades, more ability to regulate their emotions, and healthier relationships. However, being the preferred child isn’t always a good deal. Favored children may get overindulged, which can teach them bad life skills, and they may feel pressured to perform in certain ways to get attention and care.
Those who aren’t favored can face difficulties in adulthood, including substance abuse, poorer mental health, and poorer relationships. To keep things fair and square, parents should be open and honest with themselves about any preferential treatment and act accordingly. Children who understand why they are being treated differently are less affected by such action.
Dr. Alexander Jensen, the lead study author, hopes that parents will use the study as a catalyst to consider how they may treat their children differently and work to make sure those differences are fair and understood by their children. He also advises parents to be ready to hear when they might be doling out extra privileges or harsher responses based on their preferences and to be open to feedback from their children and others.
