[While the holiday season is often a time of joy and celebration, it can also be a painful reminder of what once was or what others have but you don’t. The idealized portrayal of holidays, with partnered people, families, and matching pajamas, can be exclusionary, leaving out those who are newly single, estranged from family, or have lost a partner or family member.
It’s okay to honor your feelings and keep celebrations low-key or sit this holiday season out. You don’t have to refuse to celebrate because you’re without a partner or family. This could be the season to create new, meaningful experiences with friends or focus on self-care.
Grief, shame, and blame can arise when you’re without a partner or family to spend the holidays with, and all of it can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and sadness. However, there’s no requirement for your holidays to look or feel the same as they always have. You can still be filled with grief, especially if a breakup, estrangement, or death was recent. “All of a sudden everything is different this year,” said Dr. Ayanna Abrams, an Atlanta-based clinical psychologist. “You may be longing for the traditions you had with the person you lost.”
Dr. Adam Brown, a clinical psychologist, agrees that there’s no need to dwell on sadness or shame. “You can still put up a tree and mail out holiday cards. You can still drive or walk through beautifully decorated neighborhoods or travel to visit a friend.” He suggests focusing on what brings joy, whether it’s holiday baking, watching a movie at home, or going to a wine tasting.
Shani Silver, a writer, podcaster, and author of the Substack newsletter Cheaper Than Therapy, encourages single people to “stop viewing your holiday season as a consolation prize.” “You have the ability to define what you want to do and how you want to spend the holidays,” she said. “A home with one person in it is still full. Each individual human being on Earth is a valid person.”
Silver also recommends focusing on gifting yourself, whether it’s taking on a new project, trying a new hobby, or simply enjoying some quiet time. “You can still have a wonderful holiday season, even if it’s not what you expected,” she said.
You can also reach out to a therapist to help cope with holiday struggles or grief. “Working with a therapist is one of the best ways to cope with struggles you may have during the season or other times of year,” said Dr. Abrams. “Sometimes distractions are necessary. You can’t always avoid the pain or eliminate it, but you can learn to tolerate and hold space for it.”
Ultimately, it’s essential to prioritize self-care and focus on what brings you joy. Whether you choose to celebrate with friends, family, or alone, remember that you are worthy of dignity, respect, and privacy. As Silver said, “Any way that you authentically want to spend the holidays is correct.”
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